So I walked to the park today

so a couple of nights ago I watched Xanadu. I should go rollerdancing in the park next weekend. only not.
I had a minor foot surgery and I just spent another 1000$ on my cat's ass. it blew up. her ass that is. poor thing. nobody's ass should ever explode. and this was the second time. ugh.
ma man's great.
I'm hungry. among other things

I had blueberry pancakes with black raspberry ice cream for dinner tonight. it was astounding.

fuzzle 199, originally uploaded by fuzzpup21.

I could have pushed someone in particular down these stairs today. it would have felt so good. instead I came home and cleaned like a coked out whore, to expend some anger and energy.

they were the stairs outside of my last apartment. sometimes I miss the ghetto. I definately miss the sandwiches.

the cat is meowing at the wall again, time to vacuum

howdy.
I hurt. I got a wisdom tooth out and a shiteload of cysty grossness scraped out of the back of my jaw. ouch. gross. awouchhh. at least I can eat solid foods again. the other 3 aren't infected so they're coming out in may! yay!
work is good. hectic but great. not perfect but definately many steps in the right direction. complicated I guess.

I've been kind of lonely lately.
been on a few dates, but not many. I don't like people who endlessly overbook themselves so I try to not do that, and I end up being tired and busy with other lifeshit to do. the guys I have been hanging out with have been nice, I've had some fun. none are just the right fit I guess. and I'm just in a funk.


I love alonetime too though so I can't really complain, I bring the lonelyness on myself a lot of the time.

getting a new camera for my birthday. finally! my baby died so long ago, I've been using paul's camera for so long. it's ok, but not mine. and I think broken...

I might buy a new ipod soon too with the money I better get back after I file my taxes. because although my ipod is old reliable it is quite the artifact. it's not even in color. I mean fo real. I need something that I can fit all my music on finally. since I gave up on deleting sprees a long time ago...

I wish I didn't run out of my vicodin yesterday. who wouldn't wish that?

I've started living again lately. I had my last day at the law office of my former employment last monday and am currently in the middle of a two weeks of awesomeness before I start the next job. towards the end of the month I'll be starting to work up at Sloan Kettering, I'm really excited about it! yuh. I've been meeting a lot of people at random that work there too. good times. in the down/meantime I've been keeping overly busy, and sleeping less than I'd prefer. I've gone to some concerts and plays, seen a bunch of good friends, met some new ones, had some sex, had some really fucking awesome pie and probably drank too much.
I met a guy I'm really digging. we've hung out a few times now, it's been awesome, I guess we'll just wait and see with that one. I was a bit of a strumpet when me and paul broke up, it's a good thing to not want to be one right now. as much.
I've been going to some shows recently, it's been refreshing. and loverly. it's been so long since I was this busy. I kinda miss being a recluse.
I had a great time at the arcade fire/lcd soundsystem show last saturday. it was le sex and a half. lcd was ridiculous, james murphy is fucking hot and a tad insane. and the arcade fire was utter beauty. regine just bounces around like a pixie and does everything. and then on thursday we went to stars. I'm a sucker for canadian indie rock haha. I was all smiles, twas another great show. amy milan should be in the triplets of belleville, in a good way.
going to the new pornographers, the polyphonic spree, and final fantasy in the coming weeks.
and now I'm poor. from buying too many tickets...yay new job!....
last night I went to a jazz benefit for an organization that my friend Jamie worked for in thailand that rescues kids from the sex trade and being lost in the system. there was a decent turn out I thought, raised some good money. then I had some drama, then glorious chinese food. westside chef to be precise. give me more dumplings. cover me in them. but not really, but give me a lot of them.
we afterpartied and insanity ensued. I had a spectacular time.
I've been running around the city all day today, and now am tired. sitting at home hanging out with myself. I throw a great private party, let me tell you. life's really great. it's been a while since that happened. cheers.
I've been doing a lot of pushups lately. I did 120 today so far. I don't know how that started. I'm still weak though. but hot. mmm, hot and weak. and so modest

back to the doctor today, more wrong with me, but all fixable, and the rest of that shit is clearing up, praise jebux. happy new year to all my jews. I wish I had the day off too. I've been really lazy all day though, so I guess that's kind of like a day off in a way.
I had so much to say 5 minutes ago

this fucking sucks.
I'm really sick. for a while they didn't know what was wrong with me and I was utterly terrified. I finally got to see a competent doctor [the 4th opinion...] and recieved drugs and intelligence. on the way to recovery.
had a great labor day weekend despite the appearances by the 103 fever and migraine-like head slaughterings. was up having love time with the goonyas. was supposed to hunt some ghostly nuns but we didn't get to it. fucky.
tonight sucked shit and I'm a ball of negative emotions.
I had some good chili though. and put some crap on my walls. purty.
I'm off to sulk more and gradually pass out to mogwai

I just bought A LOT OF SHIT online. it was gratifying but most likely stupid.

my boss just called me because he wanted to let me hear a busker with a one stringed cello playing twinkle twinkle little star and making cow noises. . .

yeah.

I have some plans tonight.
aussi, plans for upcoming labor day extravaganza del tewks avec Jaitlyn et macDaddy are locked in. we are so fucking set for launch.

Current Mood: weird

it's been a lazy day. kind of.
1. I've been making milkshakes.
2. it's not as hot as everyone keeps bitching it is. not that it's nice and cold or anything. but still.
3. currently watching old school anime. mad gall force. my cat is amused. and judging me. shut up.
4. I've continued to spend too much money on itunes. and sweet jebus has it been worth it.
5. successful procrastination of errands. I got dressed. I left the house. and fate conspired to not allow any attempted errands to be completed. fuck.
6. my favorite boxers ripped in half. mourn with me.
7. there is so much animated tit in this movie. good thing I'm into that...?
8. I'm so hungry. I think I'm going to go to the bar. yeah, sensible, I know

me and paul split up. I'm doing ok. thanks for the concern from all those who had it. I don't feel the need to get into the details and post for the world, but things are alright

I'm taking a break from writing my long-procrastinated thesis for a good cry. I have been immersed in talking about death and mourning and sufism and the soul and our inner light and god and life as death and death as life. I just added in a section about calvary [the hospital for dying patients in which I worked], and included all these very personal stories from my time there, and it just...I don't think about all of it that often, and so many of those people I carry with me. I've been thinking of this paper as an ode to cheryl. she touched me in a very profound way, and I only knew her in the last few weeks of her life. I talked in other parts about the death of my relatives, espeically my grandmother. it's just a very emotional night. it will continue to be an emotional weekend. to the max. I still need to hold it together for 10 more pages or so. I don't think i will be able to, but they'll get written none the less.
I even included a shout out to the gin bucket party I'm not going to tomorow. hope you like it betches. who am I kidding, none of you read this shit haha, I havent even been on here for god knows how long.
whew...it's almost the end of a lot of shit. crazy. college. living in this aparment. [we got an amazing new place out in astoria btw mate]. a lot of change gon' come. I welcome it.
i am not going to turn this into one of those cheesy sappy stereotyped "my life and college is ending and oh my god where did it all go and whoo hoo I can't believe I'm done yayayayay" because that is stupid. sorry to anyone who made those posts. I havent looked at my friend's page yet. I am sad, and happy, conflicted really. I started to leave college a long time ago though, my sophomore year I moved off and away and mostly disappeared. I'm mostly just regretful of what I missed out on. I had a very different college experience than most. i do appreciate what I did do with my life, and the turns it's taking, but can't help but wonder how it would have been different.
anyway, I need to go make a smoothie, eat additional frozen peach slices, and get back to contemplation of our mortality. even though all half of me wants to do it get REALLY HEINOUSLY fucked up and have inane amounts of sex. and then have some more. and then get more fucked up and have more sex. I guess that will have to wait til monday night. peace to all of you, whoever still sees any of this. mad peace and love

well it's been quite some time. a lot has happened in my life. it's quite different than the life of the man formerly known as teddy. well he's still named teddy, that's fo damn sho. the fact of the matter is, I don't even know where to begin. school is almost over, sadly I'm very very busy now, but life is generally good. i've made some major life changes that have been positive so far, some intensity, some ridiculousness, some good times, some bad. me and paul are approaching three years together. listening to some weird shit, and some old shit. ju know? haven't been home in a while, but it's been nice when I have been. I work down at a law firm now, been a good time, good people, some weirdness, good pay. no major complaints, I just have no free lazy time now. it's kinda sad. the death of my sloth. tragedy. I don't see my friends any fraction of nearly often enough because I'm too busy and always tired and never over there when I should be. or elsewhere haha. I should be in the east village in one minute actually. I suck again haha! purposeful, but sad, so sad. soon so soon, I'm plotting my return. someday.

hey heidi, I stole this from you.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, teddyq sent to me...

Twelve secrets drumming

Eleven strawberries singing

Ten cats a-dancing

Nine bears cuddling

Eight thundercats a-painting

Seven boxerbriefs a-shopping

Six piercings a-licking

Five ce-e-e-elestial bodies

Four tori amos

Three david sedaris

Two moxy fruvous

...and a tea in a fern gully.

Get your own Twelve Days:

Current Mood: sick

I found a forest green afghan my mom made me 4 years ago. it is the most comfy amazing thing ever. no lie. but now neither cat will move off of it for more than 3 minutes. foiled again!
life has been taking some interesting turns. many ups and downs [understatement of the century] but overall it's all for for the best. exploration, experimentation, growth and discussion. life's a crazy bitch ain't it?

I am not taking a language next semester. It will be the first time in my college experience to not be studying a language {or 2...} and I could not be more ecstatic. now I just have to get through the next 2-3 weeks. almost there, almost there...
I am taking some pretty cool shit in my last semester though. yo holla.

I have not even begun to think of Christmas. well, that's a big ole lie, I've thought about it, and I've made some tentative plans, but when am I going to go shopping, or get our mini tree (I've never had a real tree before, one of the most exciting things for me...I hope one of the cats doesn't eat it like cookie monster in christmas eve on sesame street. forget I just said that...), or do...anything. I don't even know what that anything is in reference to. We have decided that we're staying in the city for this x-mas, having our first one together alone and making our own traditions and booshittytitty. we'll see family a few days after it, but I'm excited to experiment with a Taul Peddy first holiday extravaganza. We really just don't want to leave the kits alone hehe...along the same vein of being lost though, we don't know what this crafting of a holiday will entail. we're open to suggestion I suppose if anyone has any good ideas.
I guess it'll just happen as it happens, I can go with the flow.

I've been seeing old friends a little more often, catching up, not disappearing into nowhere quite as often...we've also been making many new friends lately. it's been pretty awsome, sometimes kind of intense, but great. we'll see how all of that pans out.

off to read about death, as always. such a pick me up...
peace lovers

Current Mood: pensive

I have been sinking into a ever deepening depression since last night. I want to disappear.

well, it's been some time hasn't it?
not since may apparently. every time i mean to post i hate what i write and i scrap it. let's see if it happens again.....
this summer was exceptional. i worked at a petstore, still do, although i gave in my two weeks notice last week...some interesting times were had there, and i learned a good deal actually. it was time to move on though. but playing with chincillas and geckos and dead fish all day was pretty choice.
this banana nut granola is really really tastey.
other than that i drank some drink, sang some kareoke, and partied some parties. and stayed home maaaaad often cause i was too tired to do anything after 11 hours of pets and stupid people.
this fall has also been exceptional. we're seniors, how odd, when did that happen?...how did that happen...i don't want to move into the real world...
my classes have been great, tedious and absurd at times, but great. i'm in my 5th semester of arabic and my 1st of hebrew at the same time. pretty hardcore. i'm taking a class on death and starting to volunteer at a hospice; slightly more hardcore.
my forearm aches. vital information.
i've been keeping busy and that's good. had my cello back for a few weeks, but it needed minor repairs, so it took another vacation and will be back in another few weeks. someday it will be here to stay.
i got a desk. a big desk. so useful.
my itunes is in dire need of some pruning. i just keep adding new shit to it and i can't keep up with my deleting shite as well. i try to take days every now and then devoted to muic maintenance, but it's hopeless. just chipping away at the entirely-too-large-greater whole. another of my long term projects.....
it's nice and cold outside. i need to find some pants and peace out.

i can't breathe out of my right nostril. it can fucking die. i hate eet. this weekend was intense. was in CT for a day and a half. now i'm back and it's too hot in this appartment. mmmmmmmm itunes.

bedabye-bowla-time.

there are kids on the sidewalk downstairs throwing a baseball at the building. it keeps hitting the fire escape and ringing throughout the apartment. i'm finished with my hellspawn paper and paul's asleep next to me. i have no brain. i need to study. i want it to be tuesday around 4 o clock. then i would be swimming in relief.
its so dark out today. i plugged in christmas lights but they just make it seem like its really light outside. lies, LIES i tell you.
i made 4 mixes and got some chinese food. i'm so out of posting practice, i suck at this...what am i supposed to say? again, i have no brain.
i always compose posts in my head when im on the subway, then when i get to school, or home, or where ever, i forget that it ever happened. i wonder who still reads this when i do post? i wonder a lot of things.
it was cold today and my toes are numb.
happy mothers day to all you mothers out there.
can i kick it? yes i can.
im feeling all subdued and intense, maybe its the clouds and pseudo depression over the contents of the next two days of my life. drama queen? yes. absurd? yeah that too.
its not like i have any actual large blaring problems right now. well, i might, but i can't ackowledge them, so they're really not there. i don't know what's wrong.
hopefully i'll get a job soon. god, what a hope...
i hope tomorow is sunny. and breezy.

Current Mood: morose